My marriage is over but not my life.

Divorce, marriage break up, seperation, family,

Divorce more often than not is a devastating experience for the adults who are realising their marriage is over and especially of there is children involved. But it can be an empowering, and on occasion even life-saving for both parties, if the only alternative is staying in the marriage. 

Some marriages are abusive, which increases the risks to the emotional and physical well-being, and even the survival, of adults and children. It can be an act of bravery for yourself and your children (if you have any) to leave such marriages, especially in the face of an unsure life outside of the marriage and threats from the abusive partner.

Marriage simple defined is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, legal and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that is meant to last until death, but in todays world is often cut short by separation or and then divorce.

Every marriage brings challenges, often profound ones. How a husband and wife manages them often determines whether their relationship disintegrates or holds firm. Nurturing everlasting love may require turning a blind eye to misguided beliefs or dysfunctional habits that their partner has carried with them for many years.

Ensuring a marriage will last can mean identifying and cementing a couple’s strengths and adding new skills and approaches to sharing their life together.

Over the course of a relationship a lot will happens. Personalities change, bodies change and we age and no relationship not even marriage is free from friction. 

My ex and I got divorced because we didn’t want to remain married to one another. It wasn’t a decision we took lightly. 

Divorce is not a cause for celebration. It’s the end of a marriage/partnership, and no matter how disfunctional the marriage was, the fact that it’s finished is regretful and upsetting especially if there are children involved. Whatever dreams we had died the day we finished our marriage.

It wasn’t until I finally moved out of the family home I finally had space to mourn. But like all mourning, mine eventually subsided, and what had felt like loss came to feel like an opportunity. And that brings me to the good news.

But once all was said and done, there was room in my head to let myself look at all we’d achieved as a couple. Come to think of it, I realised, we had had quite a successful run. No, it didn’t last forever. But nothing does. And our greatest achievement was knowing exactly how long to stay and exactly when it was time to wave that white flag.

While I was still in my marriage and clearly neither of us were happy, I felt like a failure. Why can’t I be happy? I’d wonder. Why can’t she? Why is it so hard for me? For us? What’s wrong with me? With us? My head was full of anger, disappointment, shame, and self-loathing.

With all that racket, it was easy to overlook the fact that my marriage had lasted nearly two decades, and produced two amazing, brilliant daughters. 

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