The women online you will meet.

Gone are the days when we used to meet potential love interests through social circles. They still do exist but there are not many fish in these shallow waters. Hence the popularity of online dating has gone through the roof. Possibly one of the main contributors to this development is time or the lack of it. It is so much easier to sit at home and browse through thousands of profiles, swiping left or right. The menu is overflowing with choice but surely this makes us judgemental and if honest we dismiss a person for a shallow reason that we possible would not if we were to meet in a more conventual setting. Let’s face we tend to aim high and swipe right with people we think would be out of our league, a new winning strategy we take hiding behind our sofa. So what are the different types of ladies out they’re waiting for us?

The man girl: All of us love her, but she is better suited as a friend in the long term, and us guys don’t like to loose friends. She is one of the lads, she relates to us and does not have many female friends because this chick just gets on better with men.

The talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk woman: This woman is easy to spot, she never shuts up or stops texting essays and no matter how hard you try to reply, beep, another text arrives with unnecessary information. It won’t be long before you are bored, frustrated and driven to distraction, you will know every little detail about her and you will be lucky if she remembers your name. Thankfully there is a mute button followed by delete. If for some reason you have a death wish and meet for a date, make sure there is a back door to exit from.

The single Mum: Naturally online dating sites are littered with single parents, and there is nothing wrong with that. Beware you need to know what you are diving into, forewarned is forearmed! Your life will end up like hers, centred around her little darlings and you possibly won’t like them but only because she has done nothing but focus on them and they demand her attention as required 24/7. However single mums are genuine, but you need to think long and hard are you ready for this level of commitment?

The genuine lady: Believe it or not, this very rare type of woman exists and if you are lucky enough to come across her you have won the lotto. They have no hidden agenda, what you see is what you get! They are fully independent and happy with their life. Do not pass by, she is wonderful!

The Hookup lady: Yes ladies, just like men there are women who just want a one night stand, it is just sex without any obligation. The difference is women are more open about it than men. 

The know it all woman: This woman believes she is better than everyone, however if you dig a little deeper into her she is the complete opposite. This wannabe will pretend she is living the dream lifestyle, the one she thinks she deserves. She will probable have a few designer accessories or good knock offs. If she thinks you have the money that can afford her desired lifestyle she will pursue you. In essence she will be so opinionated and often get the wrong end of the stick you will head for pastures greener.

Hot but not: Online dating is full of women (and men) whose profile pictures portrays a very beautiful woman. The photos may be very old or airbrushed but when you meet this lady she is unrecognisable to what you thought you were going to meet. I cannot understand why women do this as when reality catches up and the man disappears she must be left feeling rejected. 

The never single lady: The lady who lives in fear of being on her own and will take any man up until the next better one turns up. This woman is always online looking for the man that does not exist. They are intense at the start and the cracks on the wall will appear and either you run or she has found someone she believes is better for her, the trend never ends.

The gold digger: Let’s face it she wants your money, it is that simple. But where us men fall for it is they are typically attractive and very engaging. They are easy to spot with the questions about your job, bank balance and any other materialistic thing they are interested in.

The health nut: As men we always think we should be taking better care of ourselves but rarely act upon it. This lady has run the 10 km race and is looking forward to the marathon. She has left the bedroom before you have had your first dream. This lady will have many suitors but not everybody’s cup of tea. Make sure you have health insurance.

Dr. Dolittle: This animal lover does not hide the fact that her animals are her life and come first. Her profile photos look like something off Noah’s ark. This is extreme but it may be something of interest to some.

The happy ending: This dreamer has her fairytale mapped out in her head since she was born. She knows what she wants, the perfect wedding, home and children. This is make believe so she will normally settle for the very next best or the man who is close to giving her what she wants. This lady probably is not in love with you but as long as you satisfy her dreams you are functional for her.

The nut job: This psycho hates men and will come across aggressive, if you stay around long enough she will be abusive and possible violent. She is certainly unpredictable, very Jekyll and Hyde. She will want to know where you are at all times and why. When this goes pear shaped and it will warn your family and friends cause she will contact them.

The homemaker: This lady wants you to take care of her, she does not want to work and is happiest in the home. If independence is what you seek this lady is not for you. But let’s face it I know plenty of men that want a quiet life and this lady is perfect for them.

Having to deal with a very difficult ex

Being single again after spending time in a relationship is a very hard challenge. Normally there a lot of painful stages which need to be conquered during the process. If you have been unfortunate enough to have been in a cancerous relationship you have no doubt found out the true colours of your ex. My experience was to encourage a rational approach, which isn’t always easy as emotions are running high and not always stable, a bit like the weather. Try to be intelligent and promote common sense, of course there will be money concerns and for many people their first real dealing with a lawyer and at times the language used seems foreign but the invoice is real! But when children are involved I urge you to take a step and a deep breath and think of the children and park your feelings for your ex. Not for a second do I support the easy option just a more intelligent one and intelligent doesn’t mean stupid.

There are cases when you must stick to your guns and make a firm stance, not to be friendly and not to engage with your ex. The smart thing and intelligent thing is to recognise if you are dealing with an abusive spouse, somebody out to hurt you or your children. In these instances let your lawyer do the talking on your behalf.

Unfortunately once a relationship breaks down we tend to see a side of our ex we didn’t know existed. So be aware of who you are dealing with and expect the unexpected. For me I expected the worse and anything better was a welcomed surprise.

Be prepared for the “bar stool lawyers,” these are your friends, family and colleagues that have the advice tailored just for you. Winning at all costs is their mantra and this formula always ends in disaster. There is never a winner in a breakup and especially not when children are involved. It is never fair but you have to deal with it! Sticking your head in the sand is a poor strategy and will serve no purpose for you. Divorce is stressful enough and you will need to have your wits about you for the best outcome for everyone involved.

It is not unusual to feel wronged, a huge injustice has been served up to you. After all, all those years you committed yourself to the marriage, everything you gave up for them and you are the one that does everything with the children! They must be unfit to have custody! Of course in an abusive relationship this is true. This type of person possess a powerful sense of justice and self-righteousness. They also work from a tiny piece of the truth, which makes their claims that much more powerful! Outside that playing the victim is a poor strategy and one always gets caught out. In essence you are not fooling anyone just causing more hurt and damage to your family.

Attention here comes the“Control Freak.” This trait definitely existed during your marriage and now the relationship has ended their behaviour will escalate! The control freak will easily hide your assets, many of them work in finance and have the tools and skill set in succeeding. This person wants to win and rarely has any real emotional feelings. If you are dealing with this type prepare yourself to work harder and do not be intimidated by them, they want you too and are unprepared for you to stand up for yourself.

As if the control freak wasn’t extreme enough you might be dealing with someone who is completely self-serving and self-centred, the Narcissist! But perhaps you already know them from their need to be right, always seeking admiration, the need to be right always and even criticising you behind closed doors for not living up to their expectations. Now that the relationship has ended they will completely dismiss your needs. The end means the end and it is a fight for survival to the bitter end. This person has already forgotten any good that was in your marriage. A normal individual will remember the good times and this will assist them in achieving a sense of balance when it comes down to splitting things up fairly. A narcissist will try to break up your friendships and undermine you, even with your children.

Your ex may be out for payback a sort of crusader, an avenger, a super victim or a control freak gone nuclear! They just don’t want to win they want to see you loose, knocked out and with nothing. They want to see you hurt and are motivated by your misery, they will not be satisfied until you feel pain. I have no idea how somebody arrives with such a devastating personality but rest assure most people and at least the people who matter to you are all too aware there are two sides to the tale. Revenge is a fools game and achieves nothing but hurt and devastation, these people are not in touch with reality.

Time is a great healer and years from now you may be in a position to have a normal and respectful relationship with your ex.